August 28, 2015
Sarah Sophie Flicker
ON MEETING HER HUSBAND: “It was 1998. My best friend Melissa from San Francisco was like ‘we have to go to this New Year’s Eve party in New York.’ We showed up and it was at this guy Jesse’s house. Melissa was like: ‘you’re going to marry him.’ But nothing happened. The next year I ended up interviewing him for a video about music directors. I thought he was intimidatingly smart He was super handsome, which helped of course. I’m an artist; my intelligence is based on intuition, human connection and emotions. But he’s very factual. He always has to debate and be the devil's advocate.When we started dating I just felt so lucky all the time. We both always say a really good measure of whether to spend your life with someone is when you walk out of a movie do you want their opinion. I don't think iIll ever stop caring about his opinion. It’s the most important opinion in the world to me.”
ON MARRIAGE AND COMMUNICATION: “You have to learn how to talk in a non-passive, non-confrontational way. It’s not easy. I read an article about the Obamas, about how when Barack was running for Congress, Michelle was enraged that all the parenting fell on her. That she had to compromise her career to accommodate his. It was soothing to me to read that. Every couple struggles with this issue.”
ON MOTHERHOOD: “The tedium and the day to day are extremely challenging. In every study when women are asked to rank the things that give them the most pleasure, number one is always hanging out with their girlfriends. The childcare is always like number nineteen. Still, the best three days of my life were the days I gave birth. That is one hundred percent true. It’s like falling in love times a thousand.”
ON LETTING GO: “Our job is to create and protect our kids. To nurture them but at the same time create an escape hatch. You don’t want it to be so comfortable that they won’t want to leave. They have to live. It’s my job to shoo them out of the house. ‘Entering The Kingdom’ by Mary Karr is a poem that really speaks to it. The guilt you feel as a parent is deep and pervasive and unrelenting. You never feel like you’re doing a good enough job.”
ON HAVING A DAUGHTER: “I have three kids. Two sons and a daughter. The mother-daughter relationship is much more fraught and complicated than the mother-son. Girls are a mirror. My daughter reflects everything I love about myself and everything I hate about myself. You know how you hate the sound of your voice when you hear it? Your daughter is your own voice being reflected back at you all the time.”
FAVE LOVE SONG: “‘Odetta Sings The Blues’ by Odetta."
FANTASY WEDDING: "Simone De Beauvoir and Sartre. I would wear an unassuming 1930’s linen housedress, take my husband as my date, and spend the after party talking to all the guests about politics."
FAVE LOVE MOVIE: “‘Reds’. Diane Keaton and Warren Beatty are so good.”
FAVE LOVE BOOK: “‘The Passion’ by Jeanette Winterson, ‘We: Understanding The Psychology Of Romantic Love’ by Robert A. Johnson’ and ‘All About Love’ By Bell Hooks’.”