Home Stretch

Does life have you feeling like OMG I can't deal? Wanna get all om shanti on your shit but can't find the time or $$ to bust your ass over to the Lululemon store and yoga studio? Have no fear, Heather Lilleston, founder of Yoga For Bad People, is here to tell you how to get super lean and serene without ever leaving your living room. 
Hip + Quad Stretch For Stalking Your Exes 
"Relationships, business stress, and unresolved issues are held in the hips. Also, the quads and hamstrings tend to hold a lot of grief and fear. This pose releases the grief by opening up the hips, and stretching out the quads.  It's also a prime posture for stalking exes which is a part of the grieving process. When you stalk, you put yourself in the fire, especially if they've moved on. You start to unravel the possessiveness, or the jealousy and all those negative emotions. You push yourself to face things by bringing them to the surface."Heart-Opening Hangout With Wine 
"You’re hanging out with your bitches, guzzling pinot, talking shit. Lean back on the armrest of the chair and lift your chest. It's really good for undoing all that hunching we do throughout the day at our desk and phone. Press the upper back with the armrest, then extend the legs one at a time to open up the hamstrings and the calves. The calves hold a lot of stress, and they're one of the hardest muscles to relax. When you release the calf muscles, the nervous system quiets down immediately. Opening your chest helps with depression because the slight backbend enhances the inhalation process. And then it always helps to really let it out with a sip of champagne."
The Liberating Primal Scream
"With everything happening so quickly in our lives, we don't have enough time to process our emotions. The adult temper tantrum is a great method of releasing the negativity stored up in our physical body.  Get down into a squat and rub your palms together, run your feet, let your feelings rise, then throw it all on the (imaginary) fire. Bring the voice from the belly up through the torso and out through the mouth. It feels fucking good to scream. Do this to a song that has a big build, like Lightning Crashes by Live or maybe even a crazy Eminem song."
Sitting Pose For The Anti-Panic Attack
"Sit down. Place your forehead in the palm of your hands; slide the forehead skin down and encourage it to drop downwards, letting the inner and outer corners of the eyes to relax so that you can mentally let the weight of the eyeballs release towards the back of your skull. Make sure your feet are grounded with your hands on the thighs to lengthen the waist and torso. When you're having an anxiety attack, outer noise starts to infiltrate your experience, so really try to drop into yourself and get quiet. This practice helps you breathe, which puts space and circulation around those crazy thoughts. Press the thighs down, and nestle into your chest like a little bird."
The Cure-Your-Hangover Headstand
"You start by interlacing the fingers, palms together, elbows shoulder distance apart.  (For someone who isn't advanced, you can use a wall). Take your knuckles 2-3 inches away from the edge of wall, and then you can cross your forearms to get the distance for your shoulders. Press down through the forearms, then place the crown of the head down. Walk your feet in as far as they can go, and with your elbows, shoulders and hips all stacked in alignment, kick your feet into the wall."
Pics by Chandley Borges