May 01, 2015
Misery Is Good, Enjoy It While You Can
Our showroom assistant broke up with her boyfriend last weekend, and this morning during our Status Meeting she burst into tears and was like, “He kicked me out. I have nowhere to go and I am surfing couches all around Brooklyn.” I know it sounds weird, but all of the sudden I had an acid flashback to my unruly couch-surfing days of my twenties in NYC and I had a major memory lane moment of really missing them.
Ten years ago, I broke off up with my long-term boyfriend and my whole life fell on my head. I spent the summer wasted and confused, drifting around downtown sleeping on friends’ floors, eating only cigarettes and gummi bears and living out of of a dirty blue leather purse (ok, fine — it was Marc by Marc Jacobs, if you really want to know) which was a mess of thongs, blue mascara and Listerine strips. All I wanted was security, a family, a place to call home. I fantasized about it — the nice apartment, the nice husband, blah blah blah. I felt truly pathetic, lonely and unloved. But, as I’m writing this now, I’m realizing that it was actually an amazing time. It's kind of poetic; not knowing who you are, where you belong.
These days, I am really far from being a homeless drifter urchin. I have a child, a job, a husband and actual responsibilities beyond buying cigarettes and getting my roots done. I have to pay bills and run a business and a household and stuff. Truthfully, sometimes it sucks. I rush back to Brooklyn at six every night to put my baby to bed, and I really cannot remember the last time I put on eyeliner and had some bat-shit wild night out. Not to mention that my mornings used to be a smeary blur of cigarettes and snooze buttons and black coffees and walks of shame — not anymore. Seven days a week, at the ass-crack of dawn, I have to feed my daughter a ten-course meal and entertain her with books, show tunes and dances. Being settled — and a mom and wife with a cool career — was all I wanted for years and years. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the days when I had none of it. There was something really light about those very dark days.
Ladies, keep on keeping on down the long, long road. Enjoy your single life. The heartbreaks, the pain, the sucky, confusing, horrible-ness of it all. Surf the couches, fuck the guys, feel the pain, pound the shots, wear the heels, cry your eyes out, spend all day in the dark thinking about how hard it is for your plump fragile soul to survive this mean cold mindfuck called LIFE. Work your heart to it’s core. Then do it all again. You’ll find your way home when it’s time.
Originally published May, 2013