Carrie + Jeff

He has kind eyes, and maybe I'd finally figured out what a good man looks like.

Jeff was smoking on the curb after his band Caveman had just played Williamsburg Music Hall.  I'd come that night because we were working with the same producer, and I wanted to check out their vibe. We ended up chatting and found we had loads of friends in common; it seemed impossible we hadn't met before. I was already totally impressed by their show, but mainly by this handsome cutie, he was a nice guy and easy to talk to. He has kind eyes, and maybe I'd finally figured out what a good man looks like. I am a nerd so I gave him my business card. He looked up and said, "Well, what are you doing right now?" 

 

 

 

We had a few first dates in groups; it was a bit of a whirlwind. We hung out super late the first night, and then I met up with him after his show the next night, he invited me to a big group dinner with his band and management. We sat next to each other and jumped right into discussing relationships, mainly how a touring musician could make one work, perhaps laying the groundwork for what was to come. We went outside for a cigarette and he just grabbed me and kissed me. We hit another afterparty, danced all night, and then the next week he brought me as his date to the premier of their new music video. Neither of us can remember when we first said “I love you,” but Jeff thinks it was in the first month. Marriage to a man and his band is not a lifestyle for the faint of heart, but it suits me.  I like the alone time when they are out on tour and the excuse to travel to see him. Last year I met him in Barcelona at the Primavera festival, so cool. Jeff is one of the greats, a good man. No one can match his integrity and solidarity. He owns his love for me proudly and looks my dad in the eye. This is what my dad pointed out about my last boyfriend. He was never going to able to look him in the eye and tell him he loved me.  

 

 

We talked about getting married for a while before he actually popped the question. It was important to Jeff that he purchase and pick out the ring himself. He went to an antique dealer and chose a 1920s French beauty, then sat down his men and told them his intention and then called my dad to get his blessing. He took me for dinner at our favorite local spot, and then he got on one knee on our walk home. It's a spot we walk past on our way to the Williamsburg Bridge; we like to connect our headphones and listen to podcasts and walk over the bridge. I completely tackled him and of course said YES YES YES. I've always said fuck weddings, what a waste of money, but that changed as I got older and fell in love and actually was engaged. I am proud of Jeff and our life together, our friends, our families, how far we've come, and I wanted to celebrate it. There is power and importance in the commitment being witnessed by loved ones; saying “I do” out loud and with confidence so everyone can hear. Also, I am my father's only child, so it felt important to do it for us, as a right of passage. We kept it classic and intimate. I loved our wedding, so now I am thrilled I changed my mind. 

 

 

We chose to have a winter wedding, mainly because we knew it was a mellow time for the band. I thought a fire place would set a cozy vibe, so my initial search was for Manhattan or Brooklyn spaces with fireplaces. Locanda Verde has a beautiful private room with a roaring fire in a stone fireplace and was the perfect size, very inclusive and family style. We really lucked out that it also happens to be a world-renowned restaurant, so the food was incredible. We had the ceremony right there in the room under a canopy of flowers. My dad walked me down the aisle to a Bob Dylan jam playing on our portable turntable. After dinner we all walked to the bar we rented out, Weather Up, which was right around the corner. We did the traditional cutting of the cake and our first dance as a married couple to Never My Love, and I danced with my dad. It was a cold but clear February evening in New York City, we really lucked out with the weather. The after party was definitely raucous - lots of blotto wasted dancing and make out parties. A couple of Jeff's bandmates DJ'd and we danced until 3am, screaming 80s and early 90s jams at each other. My best friend since the third grade, Nicole, really brought down the house with Pump Up the Jams. It was a blast.